Flash: I blame Doctor Who

It was not what we expected. Usually we are met with terror, hysteria and panic, sometimes by Heads of State with a formal address. But not often by people clammering to come aboard. They look more like school children, wanting to be door monitor than earthlings about to be invaded.

   ‘Turn your ray gun from disintegrate to stun,’ I tell Brobding, who looks equally confused, his eye stalks expanding.

   ‘Haven’t they heard of anal probes?’ he asks.

   ‘Take me!’ an earthling shouts, jumping up and down.

   ‘No, me!’ another screams.

   These two are the naughty ones; the others just patiently keep their hands in the air, straining skywards. I finger my trigger. I’m really not sure how to proceed.