Pengopath

They are both naked. However, this is not sexual, it is simply how penguins start their day. Monocles and bonnets come later. Before the pomp there is coffee and conversation in bed.

‘He’s a moron.’

‘But why is he a moron?’

‘He just is.’

‘You need to think much more deeply than that.’ She shakes her head at him and purses her beak.

Marmaduke stretches, his mind is more on cornflakes than philosophy. He wishes he hadn’t mentioned his new boss to Cynthia. ‘I don’t care why, he just is.’

Cynthia sips from her mug. ‘Do you think he was neglected by his parents, shunned by his peers, or maybe he is on the spectrum?’

‘No, he’s just a pain in the tail feathers.’

‘Is he inherently evil?’

Marmaduke sighs, they’ve been here before and he’s not sure whether to surrender or defend. He’s too hungry to make proper decisions and the caffeine is whirling his brain. It’s the weekend anyway, why on earth did he even think of his stupid boss? He looks around the room, everywhere except Cynthia’s piercing eyes, and his gaze lands on the little crucifix. Penguin Jesus’s eyes are as intense and judgemental as his wife’s. ‘He’s not all bad, I suppose.’

‘So, he has some redeeming feathers?’

‘Yeah, um,’ Marmaduke’s mind frantically considers his boss, who has genuinely been a nightmare since he started. ‘He keeps his pencils nicely sharpened.’

Cynthia smiles coldly. Penguin Jesus doesn’t worry her; she’s done a pact with his counterpart. ‘Pencils?’

Why did Marmaduke mention pencils? Especially sharp ones. He’s done it again. He may as well be delivering a death sentence.

‘I think we should pay your boss a little visit, don’t you?’

‘Please Cynthia, he might be quite a nice bloke. I probably made a wrong first impression. He might make good pancakes,’ he tries but Cynthia is up and out of bed, already tying on her bonnet.

‘Come on, Marmaduke.’

He slumps out of bed, no time for pancakes or even cornflakes. Penguin Jesus stares down at him and Marmaduke has a pang of guilt about his boss. Nobody else is allowed to make Marmaduke’s life a misery, that is his wife’s job.