November Novelathon

I’m considering NaNoWriMo. Why? Because. Because now I find myself without deadlines I find myself unfocused. I am languishing. Enjoying evening class homework, yes, writing beyond a page, no. Oh. So: NaNoWriMo. Why not? I’m irritated that I’ve lost momentum. I told myself a week off. Motivation has always been an intangible. For many years I’ve wondered about the will, even to get out of bed, to be, to exist. Do I always need stick carrot syndrome? Maybe yes. There is something vulnerable about using a crutch, another stick to write but if that’s what it takes I shall do it. 1666 words a day. Ouch. Unsure of word counts but what the hell. A fantastic Christmas present to myself if I get my first draft. So yes I will. Are you up for it too? Novelicious!

Flash: Missing the Point

It is a small door; only my finger will fit through. All these weeks I’ve been wondering in the woods, alone, maybe it is I who have grown. It’s fitting that my first encounter with civilisation is all out of proportion. I have flicked the door in, and now feel around with my index finger, hoping for some kind of connection.
   ‘Hello, pleased to meet you,’ I whisper.
   I feel a sharp white sting. I take my finger out of the house and hold it up to my eyes. I can just make out a tiny splinter, a fragment, buried under the nail. Five minutes careful picking reveals a minuscule kitchen knife. I suck at the tiny bead of blood the wound has left. Then I stand up and stamp on the little house. I stamp until it is flat.
   ‘You should have made the effort,’ I say ‘we could have been friends.’

3, 2, 1: I’m Back in the Blog

Dissertation done. Wow. How does it feel? On completion of the dissertation I have not grown cleverer. I feel surreal. I feel relieved. I did feel sad for approximately seven minutes but pulled myself together with a glass of wine. I have been steadily headily celebrating this week. I wrote a lot of words and I’ve given myself a week off intense writing.

   So if I’m not cleverer, what did I get out of the MA? I got tenacity, I got myself to commit, I broke my 10K limit. I got it to begin my novel. I got friends, I got inspired. I got a lot of gots!

   The marks come out in December. I anticipate disappointment; I wish to be distinct, I expect merit, it had better bloody pass. It’s so subjective and I know from working at a University that one marker’s first is another marker’s third. And effort doesn’t always pay off. I remember well my school Metalwork report, where I got an A for effort and an E for ability: Katherine tries very hard, but is not the most practical of students.

   So what next? After the week of enforced relaxation I am ready to jump back on my novel horsey. I’m excited because the bit I like best is the splurging of words, the rough first drafting, patchworking the plot, the feverish capturing of conversations that flutter into my mind. Oh yes, I’m back in the room.